


Promise

by yuuki_clyde



Series: Meant to be protected [2]
Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Angst, Gen, LMAO, Some unrequited love, still angst, what do you expect?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 14:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16176659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuki_clyde/pseuds/yuuki_clyde
Summary: “Thank you, Gawain. No matter what, I wouldn’t forget you too.”“Even after centuries has passed?”You laughed. “I wouldn’t forget about you for as long as I live. If I even had kids, I’ll tell stories about you.”“Promise?”“It’s a promise that I’ll hold dear in my heart.”





	Promise

**Author's Note:**

> So! I made a second part of the Gawain angst since there was so many prompts from our discord chat came up. Originally, it wasn't supposed to be a part of a series, but here I am!
> 
> Many thanks to [@Atroposisms ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atroposisms) for helping me beta read this fic as well as giving me tips and more ideas.
> 
> Feedbacks are greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading this fic ^^

With Archer’s quick response, he quickly took out the healing scrolls that was entrusted to him before you had decided to come back and face Lev and Gawain once more. With the advance instructions that was taught to him by Da Vinci before coming to the Singularity, he effectively and quickly healed their dying Master while Gawain sat there, holding your dear and nearly cold body.

When Archer had finished cleaning and bandaging your wounds, you were still unconscious. “The mongrel has lost too much blood, we have to go back to Chaldea.” Gilgamesh announced.

Gawain simply nodded. He felt like he didn’t have the right to do anything with you after what he did. He couldn’t remember what had happened. The last thing he knew, he was fighting against Lev’s enemy waves before blacking out, only to wake again to see you dying at his feet.

Archer simply looked at him and your body. He huffed as he stood up but Gawain had stopped him, “Archer… could you carry Master for me?” The knight didn’t trust himself if he would still be able to carry you, much less be allowed to hold you close.

The nameless Archer shook his head. “I think Master would still prefer you even after everything.” With that, he turned to leave.

The remaining Servants returned to Chaldea. Waver had returned to his rightful Master while Cú Alter had been sleeping in his room, tired from the fight. Arthur had stayed in his room as well, still healing. Romani and Da Vinci immediately attended to you and ushered Gawain to carry you to the infirmary where Nightingale was stationed.

Normally, Gawain would tend to your injuries. Not that he didn’t trust the nurse’s ability to heal, it’s just that she approached the injured with possibly a huge syringe that was probably stolen from BB.  He gently laid you down to the bed and Nightingale ushered Gawain out as he might infect the Master with something else, just in case.

He complied, but he merely stopped outside of the door, giving you one last look of regret and pain in his face before leaving completely, going straight to your room.

 

… … … … …

 

Gawain did nothing other than stand near your door. At this time of the day, he would normally catch you either sleeping, reading, or making preparations for the next mission.

He didn’t know what happened in that short period of time. When he awoke, he saw that his King, Caster, and the Berserker were gone. If it was because they were defeated by the enemy waves, it would be impossible. But then… he saw Galatine drenched in blood.

He slammed a fist on your room wall. “Damn it!” He had an idea with what had happened while he blacked out. If what he thought was true, then he broke an oath that he swore and he couldn’t forgive himself for that. As a Knight who had served King Arthur and as your Servant and lover, his main priority was your safety.

He did the most unforgivable thing as a Servant: hurting you, his Master. The room looked unnaturally cold without you. The usual warmth was gone, especially when he could still remember your heavily injured and almost cold body that he caused.

He walked towards your bed, sat beside it and silently cried.

 

… … … … …

 

Archer had filled in what had happened to Romani and Da-Vinci. The connection had been lost when they engaged in battle with Lev the first time and hasn’t been in contact since.

“I see…” Da-Vinci looked at your unconscious body, sleeping peacefully. “No wonder Gawain looks so hurt.”

“Where is he?” Romani asked. “I assume he’d be in the Master’s room.”

During those days, Gawain looked lifeless. The other Servants, especially the Knights of the Round, tried to cheer him up without any success. Arthur, especially, tried to convince him that it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t in his right mind and it was due to Lev.

Despite his King’s reassurance, the face Cú Alter gave him was threatening. There was no doubt that the Berserker now looked at him as an enemy, but since fighting was not allowed within Chaldea, he did nothing but glare.

His King stayed by his side, still reassuring his loyal knight and friend.

Bedivere stayed silent while listening in on the conversation. He’d been visiting the infirmary, checking in to see how you were doing for the past week since Gawain refused to see you.

“Sir Gawain,” Bedivere called for the distressed knight after Arthur had left. “May I have a word with you?”

Gawain followed Bedivere away from the crowd of Servants doing their usual routine.

“What is it, Sir Bedivere?”

“What happened?”

Gawain warily looked at Bedivere.

Usually Bedivere had his kind face, but right now, he looked slightly mad.

“I have heard what happened from the red Archer. But I need to hear it from your own mouth.”

“I…” The Knight couldn’t speak. He knew it was his fault. Controlled or not, it was his doing.

“So it was true…”

Gawain didn’t want to meet Bedivere’s eyes.

Bedivere grabbed a handful of Gawain’s shirt and pushed him to the wall.

“How could you?” his voice was dripping with hate. “Master deserved better. If you love them so much then you could’ve done anything but hurt them! The Archer had told me how Master tried so hard to not hurt you even if you meant to kill them. How Waver protected Master from you. How the Berserker and the King protected the Master with all their strength from _you_.”

“I know I’m not as strong as the other Knights and especially you, but Master trusts you…” Bedivere’s fists shook as he continued.

Gawain didn’t reply. He simply didn’t meet Bedivere’s gaze and gritted his teeth.

Bedivere took a deep breath and removed his hand off of Gawain. “I apologize for my outburst…”

Gawain shook his head. He couldn’t deny what Bedivere had said. It was true, after all. “It’s okay. I understand why you would be upset, Sir Bedivere.” He sighed. “I’ll be at Master’s room for a while.”

Bedivere watched Gawain’s back as he walked away.

“…If only I was there at Master’s side…” Bedivere trailed off.

 

… … … … …

 

Days passed, and you still hadn’t regained consciousness. Gawain had been spending so much time in your room, putting his head on your bed while he sat on the cold floor. He thought of Bedivere’s words. The fact still remained that he had caused this to happen.

Gawain had not been resting properly. It’s true that Servants didn’t need to sleep or eat, but it’d been mentally draining for the knight to keep his focus. Romani, Da-Vinci, and the other Knights tried their best to occupy his mind off, but every single thing he did only reminded him of you.

When Romani had offered him a book, Gawain could only remember how the two of you snuggled on your bed, covers draped over the both of you. While you quietly read the book, his head rested at the crook of your neck. Gawain would watch your serene face as you read before he would call for your attention. When you turned to him, he would steal a kiss on your lips.

 

_“Hey…!”_

_Gawain laughed at your instant reaction._

_You pouted at him. “You can’t just do that!”_

_“Well, you were irresistible to look at. How could I not do such a thing?” He said as he snuggled you closer._

_You continued to pout, a tinge of pink on your cheeks. “It’s unfair how you can easily get away with it…” you mumbled._

_Gawain peeked at the book you were holding. “I’ve been wondering for quite a while, Master, but what are you reading?”_

_Your pouting face turned into a grin. “Oh this? It’s about the tales and exploits of the Knights of the Round.”_

_“Why read it when I can tell you those tales myself?”_

_“I wanted to see how the world interprets it. It’s not as good as the real one next to me.” You turned around so you were fully facing him. “Though can I ask you a favor?”_

_“What is it?”_

_”Can you promise me that no matter what… you’ll never change how you are?”_

_Gawain simply smiled and kissed your forehead. “Of course. I’ll swear it on my life. I love you Master.”_

_“I love you too, Gawain. I promise to stay by your side no matter what.”_

 

_… … … … …_

 

Bedivere was at your side, holding your hand. Just the sight of you lying there with bandages on your body was hurting him. Nightingale had told him that you lost too much blood, and by a miracle, you were brought just in time before you completely passed away.

He rubbed your hand with his silver one, tracing circles on it. You had been out for a week and five days. Bedivere had been taking care of you together with Nightingale and Romani while Gawain holed himself up in your room. Bedivere knew how hard it was for Gawain to cope up with what he’d done. As a Knight, it was a failure to break an oath. That’s why even he couldn’t forgive himself after failing to return Excalibur to the Lady of the Lake.

He heard shuffling. When he turned his head, he saw that you were stirring. He immediately called Romani and Nightingale and told them you were waking up. Every Servant and staff that caught word celebrated your awakening.

You groggily looked at the Servant beside you. You immediately thought that it was Gawain beside you but the pain of him stabbing you hurts your heart. Your hand immediately flinched away when touched.

“Master… it’s me Bedivere.”

“Bedivere…?”

You focused your vision to the Servant beside you. Bedivere looked like he was on the brink of crying. His silver hand was close to you, emitting a soft silvery glow.

“May I…?” Bedivere gestured for your hand. “I apologize if I had startled you.”

You failed to see that when you first flinched, Bedivere was ready to burst into tears. You nodded weakly and he gently touched you first before holding your hand completely.

“How are you feeling, Master?”

You were silent and your eyes looked dead to him. The usual warmth from it was gone. “...I’m feeling kinda hungry.”

Bedivere forced a smile. “Of course. I’ll tell the doctor.”

You hummed before he left you alone with your thoughts.

You almost couldn’t remember what had happened except for the fact that Gawain had caused you to blackout. You were cold and alone, calling for your Servants but none came… not even him. The feeling of numbness spread throughout your body and couldn’t even raise your arms, so you gave up and just stared at the ceiling.

When Bedivere came back with a tray of food, Nightingale and Romani followed behind him.

“Hey,” Romani greeted.

You nodded. Nightingale helped you to sit up, while Bedivere set down the tray. “Do you remember what happened?”

“...Not much.”

“How much do you remember?”

While Romani asked you questions, Nightingale checked you up.

“I only remember Gawain… pierced me with his sword…” Your voice was monotonous, not even a slight hint of emotion in them. You looked down to your bandaged stomach. Nobody said anything after that.

“We’ll leave you for now, Master,” Nightingale announced. “Do you want someone to stay here with you? Maybe Gawain?”

You involuntarily shook at the name. You couldn’t understand why… but the name terrified you. “N-No… I’ll be okay.”

“Well then, excuse us for now. Call if you need us.”

You nodded and they left the room.

Bedivere was going to ask Nightingale a question but she already knew what he wanted to ask.

“Whatever possessed Gawain back there affected Master,” she said with certainty. “Possibly the influence of Lev striking fear as his original plan.”

“What do you mean by that, Miss Nightingale?”

“Are you saying that Lev is trying to take out Master’s strongest Servant they have by making them fear Gawain?” Romani asked her.

She nodded. “If it’s within the power of the Grail, corrupted or not, it’s possible to do so.”

“It’s better if Gawain shouldn’t see Master for now… I’m afraid it’ll only worsen their relationship.”

Bedivere and Romani looked at each other.

“Then…” Bedivere faced Nightingale. “Is it possible to bring Master back to who they were before?”

“I haven’t seen something like this before, but if it’s Master, then I’m sure we can bring them back. Maybe we’ll give them time to recover, then we’ll work our way in slowly making them remember their times with Gawain.” Nightingale said thoughtfully.

Bedivere didn’t want to see you or Gawain hurt, but he was willing to do anything to bring you and your smile back.

 

… … … … …

 

Arthur knocked on your quarters that Gawain currently occupied. The King of Knights hadn’t see Gawain for almost two weeks, and he was sure that he hadn’t heard that you were awake.

Arthur waited, but he never opened the door so he entered calling, “Gawain?”

He saw Gawain standing over your desk, a book in his hand. The lights weren’t on so Arthur flicked the switch and was shocked to see Gawain’s physical condition.

Gawain looked like he was deprived: physically, mentally, and mana-drained.

“Gawain, why are you doing this to yourself?” The king whispered as he walked towards him.

“…This was the book they loved to read…” Gawain didn’t look at Arthur as he spoke softly. “I used to sit with them on the bed while they read and I rested.”

Seeing him like this hurt. “Master would be angry if you stayed like this, Gawain.” Arthur put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “They’re awake. Why don’t you visit them? Almost everyone has visited, I think they’re waiting for you.”

When he heard that, he quickly turned to his king, grabbing his shoulders. “They’re awake?” Eyes wide, he seemed to come back to himself.

Arthur smiled. “Yes, they are.”

Gawain, as if he had found a new purpose, left the room, and ran towards the infirmary. He saw Bedivere and Nightingale outside of the infirmary, talking in hushed tones. When they heard him approaching, Bedivere’s face darkened slightly.

“I heard Master is awake?” Gawain was panting.

Nightingale only pursed her lips before replying. “Yes. They’re awake.”

Before entering, Bedivere grabbed Gawain’s arm. “…Don’t push them too hard.” When Gawain nodded, Bedivere let go of his arm and they entered the room together.

You were there, sitting while you talked with Nursery Rhyme and Jack. The children were clearly happy that you were finally awake and were asking to play with you.

“Now, now,” you chuckled. “Let me rest for a bit before we play, okay?”

“Aw... is mommy still sick?” Jack whined.

You pet her head. “You can put it that way.”

Bedivere knocked on the door to have their presence known, Gawain hiding behind him so you wouldn’t see him yet.

“Hello, Bedivere.” You greeted him with a smile. “You didn’t take long with Nightingale. Is everything okay?"

“Everything’s okay, Master. But there’s someone here you might want to see.”

You tilted your head. _Who could it be?_ Almost all of your Servants had paid you a visit. Bedivere had asked Nursery and Jack to play outside with the other Servants so you could rest for a while. When they left, Bedivere walked beside your bed and Gawain finally appeared. Your eyes widened at the Servant in front of you. You remembered him. There was no way for you to forget.

“Master…” Gawain gasped, relieved that you were finally awake. All the exhaustion from him was released. He went to your side, but the moment he took ahold of your hand, you screamed and held onto Bedivere’s silver arm, clinging like your life depended on it.

Bedivere was taken aback at how much you reacted to Gawain. It was way worse than how you reacted to the others. You were shivering now, completely scared of Gawain. Bedivere tried to calm you down, but you didn’t.

“I’m sorry Sir Gawain,” Bedivere apologized while cradling your head. “I don’t know why Master would react strongly to you. They weren’t like this with the others, especially with the other Knights.”

At that, Gawain’s heart shattered. It must’ve been because he almost killed them. Gawain balled his hands in frustration.

“Give them some time, Sir Gawain. Master hasn’t fully recovered yet.”

Gawain wanted to shout, to say that it was all his fault, but if he did, he might only frighten you even more. He wanted to apologize for everything he did, but you may not even acknowledge it in the state that you were in. Gawain looked at you, desperate for you to recognize him.

You seemed to even not recognize him. Still clutching Bedivere’s silver arm, your eyes were shut, body still shivering from Gawain’s touch as if it were poison.

Your promise. Gone and forgotten, as every part of your body denied him.

 

_“Hey, Gawain?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“When everything’s over and you return to the Throne, would you still remember me?”_

_“Why would you ask that?”_

_“Most Servants we met in the Singularity, they forget what had happened. It’s as if we didn’t exist in the first place.”_

_“Of course, I still remember my former Masters. If it’s you, I wouldn’t forget, nor leave by your side.”_

_“Thank you, Gawain. No matter what, I wouldn’t forget you too.”_

_“Even after centuries has passed?”_

_You laughed. “I wouldn’t forget about you for as long as I live. If I even had kids, I’ll tell stories about you.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“It’s a promise that I’ll hold dear in my heart.”_

 


End file.
